Sunday, May 3, 2015

Loose Thoughts

I like to think about pushing things to the extreme. Living on the edge running and training wise. Maybe it's wired into my DNA. For years I lived on the edge with the booze and the drugs. Maybe I don't know any other way. Or I feel more alive and like I have more of a purpose, a reason to be... when I am chasing IT into never never land.

Some would argue it's just a coping mechanism. Coping from what I would ask. Life, they'd answer. Or an escape. I think I like an escape better. Seems more proactive.

"The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom" wrote William Blake. Maybe he was a runner at heart.

Think of the word too, runner. We run. We cover ground. We are simultaneously moving away from things while moving towards something else. Our first coaches if we've run competitively tells us "don't look behind you".  But like Don Henley in The Boys of Summer video most of us have looked back.

So I think about what's next. It's wide open. Full of possibilities. I am bound only by the limits of my imagination. Free to dream. Free to dare. Free to explore.

I've been reminded of late how quickly all of that can change. A fellow coach and running buddy has a big electronic machine strapped to him at all times to monitor his heart. I saw him at mile 24 of a marathon he finished back in March. I thought about him and thought about how lucky and fortunate and how it cool it truly all is that I could get up and go out and race a 5K that Saturday morning. And I prayed that he'll be better soon. And I ran like hell.

And it clicked. The race Gods were with me. Like I said to Ron today when we were running down a trail in the state park... we can do everything right as runners going into a race and it can still go to shit less than half way in.

I closed a 5K in a 5:42 3rd mile Saturday. I may never do that again. Nobody knows. But I dam sure enjoyed it. And am damn grateful for all of this. Every step, every mile, every heart break, every triumph, every dream, every crazy thought.... every moment being involved with something that I love.