Monday, February 16, 2015

Questions

Trail I've run in Colorado
 


A guy at work asked me the other day if I had ever figured out what I was running from? 

I chuckled and responded "not yet."

Truth be told I don't have that answer. And as I've written about before in response to the question "are you running from something or towards something?" ... I'm not sure if I'll ever have some answers.

Around the time I was nineteen or twenty years old something cracked inside of me. I think about the Genesis song 'Tonite Tonite Tonite'... Phil Collins signing "you keep telling me I got everything, you say I've got everything I want." 

Maybe it doesn't make sense to anyone else but me. And maybe that's the way it ultimately should be. I tried for more than a decade to fill in that crack...and narrowly averted my own death.

That was pain. Not the good kind we runners get when turning sub 5k pace quarters...

No this cut much deeper.

But maybe some scars never fully heal. I don't know. I may never know.

So in the meantime I run. At times I run a lot. I push myself to see how much can I run. How far. How fast. I add up the numbers. I calculate the splits. I dream big dreams. I make plans. I continue to search for some God I know is out there somewhere. I run. And hope and pray that I can continue to keep on running.